post-Starwood post (belated)

Dear internetz -

This summer i went to Starwood. To my great surprise, Starwood was there to meet me. Now this might not make a lot of sense if you don't know me, or don't know me well enough to, well, know. But Starwood and i have A History, you see.

And it is just possible that someone reading this might not even know Starwood, or might know it only by reputation. How to tell it.. Starwood used to describe itself as 'the largest festival of its kind'. That might even still be true. Most people would consider it a pagan festival, since many if not most of the folks who attend profess some variety of neo-paganism; but there are everything from Voudon adherents to Buddhists to SubGenii to, i'm quite sure, Pastafarians there. Not to mention Jews, agnostics, and even a sprinkling of Christians - very, very *liberal* Christians to be sure.

But Starwood is something much more than the sum of its parts. Or at least, it used to be.. the last few times i was there, it seemed to me to have devolved somehow, to be going through the traditional motions but to have forgotten what they meant. However, its equally possible that i myself had simply lost touch with the spirit of Starwood somewhere along the way. This year, however, i found it again. And now i can't wait to go back.

OK, full disclosure time: i was once a Starwood organizer. And since i'm fairly certain that no Chameleon eyes shall ever peruse this blog, i can say that its not out of the question that at some point i will be one again. Yes, it was *that* strong an experience - and i was only there for 24 hours! But i attended Starwood before i became involved with ACE (the group that puts it on) and i've attended several since letting my membership go dormant.

Once upon a time, Starwood was THE high point of my summer. In fact, it became such a major focal point that the entire *rest* of my summers were consumed by it; work on Starwood began before Beltane in May, and between the wrap-up and recovery/decompression period, lasted til Labor Day. That was more time than i was ultimately willing to give over; but once upon a time - it was almost worth it.

i used to think of Starwood as a room, or perhaps a station, on the wheel of the year. A particularly powerful station.. Ah, here we are again at Starwood, i would think; and look around to see what was the same, what had changed since last we visited that room. Saying this does not adequately convey the sense i had then that Starwood was somehow eternal - even tho we would all strike camp and go home on Sunday (or, for the true die-hards, Monday), Starwood didn't 'stop'. It continued somehow to exist, waiting for us to make the circuit, trace out the path that would bring us once again to its camps, its fires.

Last night i watched a documentary called "Shortcut to Nirvana", on the Kumbh Mela festival in India. And though i know its ridiculously presumptuous of me to say so, i felt like i 'recognized' and 'understood' something about that ancient festival - because i have experienced the same thing at festivals i've attended here. Starwood chief among them.

i've heard of the Kumbh Mela before, and even seen footage; but this was the first time i've seen it presented on a wide scale and as entirely contemporary (the documentary was shot in 2001, during the Maha Kumbh Mela. This occurs only once every 144 years, and drew upwards of 70 *million* people - the largest gathering of humans anywhere on earth, ever). Each guru attending has their own camp setup; as each little tribe and group of friends does at Starwood. At night, much of the grounds are lit electronically; again, as at Starwood, tho the Indian fest was closer to a religious version of Vegas. There are entertainers, pilgrims of every stripe, even tourists who don't really know what its all about, but are there for The Spectacle - and some of them may find themselves touched on a much deeper level.

The analogy may be thin, but i remain convinced that a transformative event such as Starwood, or the Rainbow Gathering, or Burning Man, is the western equivalent. i've been to two of the three i mention; i've never been to Burning Man, but everyone i know who has, refers to it with the same sort of mystical awe, even tho it is not at all a 'religious' or even spiritual fest, nor are those people necessarily spiritual folk. i may or may not journey there someday, but then again, i wonder if i need to. i've got my own pilgramage site, and that is Starwood.

i know that i'm not doing a very good job of explaining just WHY i feel this way about this festival, nor why this year's in particular struck me that way. i can tell you that in the past, its been my experience that Starwood tends to bring things to a head, and this year might be no exception. There are things that happened this year that i choose not to share here, because they are of a personal nature; but more to the point, as with anything that partakes of the numinous, some things simply cannot be explained. The two examples i often use are sex and acid - you can read all you want on either subject, but nothing, nothing will ever convey the same meaning and emotion to you as experiencing it for yourself - and Starwood, for me anyway, is like that (tho not only for me; as i've shared this feeling with many other attendees).

My journey there this year was short, too short i think now. i went with the band i work with, and they were staying only for the night they played. As the last several Starwoods i attended seemed to me to lack the spirit that had once made them so meaningful to me, i didn't even consider trying to extend my stay. i think now that this was a mistake, as i believe thee majik ov Starwood might have exerted its influence on areas of my life that could really use it - but i am trying to trust that everything happens for a reason. Maybe next year.

One thing i can share here is the feeling that i have let my spirituality go far too dormant. i don't do any active practice.. maybe i never did, but there was a time (coincidentally, overlapping the years i actively attended Starwood) when i incorporated my beliefs a lot more deeply into my life. They still underlie much of my day-to-day action; more than most people would suspect. But they've gotten a little too far into the background. Perhaps my return to Starwood was must valuable as a reminder that these things are important and need some intentional recognition and inclusion into my life again.