..but the war goes on..

Wow. Ok. That was - a Depth Charge. i'd ask if anybody else felt it, but i already know others have and are, thanks to thee majik ov thee astral intarwebs. Which is not to say i don't want to hear about it if you did; comments of that sort are *most* welcome.

Actually, i think noting a small but really definite ripple amongst a certain strata of folks is what made me snap to and take notice: hey, people are being Affected, Pay Attention. Of course i was one of those affected, which put its own filters on things.

Driving home tonight, after a day when the things that hit, hit only as aftershocks, i started thinking about this wave of negative, really depressing energie that has been sweeping through people. Sort of idly going over Uranus going into Aries, Mercury going retrograde and i don't even know where the moon is; let's see what else has been going on.

What else.

Yeah i know, i can be a real DUMBASS sometimes. Maybe i should have phrased it, What HASN'T been going on?! Tsunami and earthquake? Nuclear crises? Right-wing takeover of state governments? Freak snowstorms? i'm not even *trying* to keep track.

What i'm hearing is people feeling overwhelmed, people feeling down, maybe even way down. Too far down. And yeah, i don't just Hear it, i Feel it. It got me too, kicked my feet out from under me. Literally, as it turns out; the stepladder i've owned for 25 years collapsed under me and dumped me into a sadeladder pretzel. i've had Personal Shite that i haven't wanted to deal with that just won't go away by ignoring it, come due and demand i Recognize it. Wah wah poor widdle me. Meanwhile halfway across the globe people are DYING, and you don't think maybe the sudden ascension of how many thousands in Japan might release some crazy shock wave?

i could continue to detail effects of the blast. Its taken people out over here as well. Nowhere near the numbers, obviously; but the impact has been that intense on some folks. And i'm not saying that's *why* people have gone out. i don't even know 'why' for most of the cases; they're just gone. Almost as if our flanks were being attacked, take down the ones you can. Almost.

i Choose not to Believe that there is an organized conspiracy of black magic out there going after folks on 'our' side (and no, i don't think i can define that right at this point) - but i also see where one could just about make a case. Whether this notion is real-in-some-sense or not doesn't really matter. What matters is what we do about it. How we respond. What matters is that we not let it derail us.

i had a short but very interesting exchange with someone i'd call a - Peer? We don't really know each other well enough to be tight, but certainly better than mere acquaintance. Anyway, apparently some while back, we had had a disagreement on a discussion board over the usefulness of Hope. i was and am adamantly For it; he, at the time, was not but wanted me to know he had changed perspective on things. That may sound like something trivial, but its the node around which a pattern accumulates. And Oh my friends, That may be just the thread i am looking for.

A wave like the one that just passed through is difficult and intense; but the point is, it HAS passed. And we are Still Here. Battered? Oh hell yes, but you know what? We are STILL HERE. We Survived, and we can get just a little bit smarter from that (tho ok, a whole lot smarter would be preferable). We *need* to get smarter from that. And we can.

That's what Pattern Recognition is about. PAT-tern re-cog-NI-tion is a LARGE part of the GAME. When you begin to understand the pattern, you are, in effect, unraveling the source code. Maybe not of the Universe - seriously, dude, do you really *want* to jam your brain fulla that? - but perhaps of certain quantum local realities. Which in some cases might be global in scope. And the cool thing about the source code is, its actually open source. That means We Can All EDIT IT.

And you know what that means? If we don't like the places the world is headed, well, we have a say in that. We absolutely have, in our hands right now, the ability to Manifest a future we want to live in. People Have The Power. Patti Smith told us that thirty years ago. OK lots of people have been telling us in lots of ways for a long long time. Are we ready to listen yet?

Every time the polar bear excrement interferes with the machinery, we have to up the blast of positive, healing, loving energie we send back out. If we get hit with a wave like just came through, acknowledge it. Speak it. Share it as much as you can from wherever you are, with whoever you can. Use your own definition of who you can share with, but stretch it out a little. Look around. Is there somebody you know that seems like maybe they'd Get It? Send a few feelers by them, see how they react. Maybe they'll be grateful for the chance to share back; maybe they have something *you* need to hear.

And wherever you can, as soon as you can, bring the vibe back UP. Throw a potluck, break the dancefloor ice, wear colors and clothes that make you and others feel good, share energie. Do art, make music and food and love. Raise the energie. Blow bubbles. Sprinkle faerie dust. Wear bells. Radiate joy. Give hope. Take hope. Heal each other. Heal yours'elves.

And please please please - if you read this, if you like this, if you agree and especially if you Do Something About It too, let me know? Post a comment, click like, share the link. Let's get a feedback loop going, start a nodal point. We're beyond wondering if things are going to change; things are changing. Please help to make that change one that will benefit us all, every one of Mother's children, every being of consciousness around us. What i tell you three times, three times, three times..

Healing the Sacred Feminine

Just home from going to see a non-fiction movie called 'Sex Magic' about a polyamorous Tantric shaman and the struggle he faces when he falls in love. i'm not going to try to review it; i'm sure those are out there for anyone who cares to google it. Instead, i want to try and talk about the things i Experienced while watching it.

Parts of the movie were uncomfortable to watch. i have difficulty being Present and unattached when confronted with certain kinds of emotional behaviours; although nothing here made me cringe or want to close my eyes, cover my ears and whistle. Some of it was uncomfortable because of my personal reactions to the person the movie is primarily about; he has a little too much of the smarmy, self-satisfied NuAge hippie about him for me to develop a true sympathy. He also exhibits an amount of a certain kind of male ego that is so *convinced* he's pro-woman, and honoring the Goddess and la de freakin da, that he's unable to Listen to things that actual womyn around him are actually saying - and worse, unable to Own behaviours that he's called on.

But the process of watching, of sharing some of the experiences however vicariously, had a definite, noticeable effect on me. For one, early on in the film i had an urge to slip down out of my theater seat and sit cross-legged on the floor in front of it. i found myself watching the movie - participating in watching - from the same consciousness i would bring to workshops at festival. Indeed, some of the group activities shown were not far different from attending a workshop at Winterstar - altho as Midwesterners, we'd be much less likely to have an *experiential* workshop on Sacred Sexuality.

That last is really what drew me to go out on a frozen January midnight to see the film. Sexuality IS Sacred to me, and that is intimately bound up with my own personal process and why i'm only half-joking when i call myself a Buddhist nun. For one, although i've received a little bit of training in Tantra, its far too little for me to formally call myself a Tantrika or dakini. And yet somehow innately i feel those terms ARE appropriate; of course that is who, or what, i am. And there was very, very little shown of various Tantric sessions that i could not say, Yes, i have Been There, i have experienced that, i Grok (and trust me, the camera showed pretty much all you can imagine about a Tantric session).

There were two things i really took away from the film that resonated so strongly i came straight home to my computer to note them down. One was a discussion of Tantra and polyamory - someone states that the two are not necessarily synonymous and in fact, might even be incompatible. This struck a deep chord in me. i respect polyamory, i Get It, i support poly folk and there may have been a time in my life when i would have counted myself among them. But now - no. i'm quite clear that it is not my path. If i am to be in a serious relationship again, it needs to be one that can encompass some form of Tantric union, in a way that would not leave energie for any other sexual love relationship.

The other was a statement made by the central character, about the relationship between the God and Goddess, Divine Feminine and Masculine on one hand - and the wounded man and wounded woman that are what manifests when we are *not* connected to these higher energies. Those descriptions resounded so clearly, and fit certain patterns in my life, patterns i am dealing with right now, the same night as seeing this movie, so well that i had to tune out and go think about them for a few minutes after he said that. Wow. Yes. *That* i understand, it Makes Sense. i see those archetypal roles manifesting right here, right now, in my own life and relationships. It was like adjusting the lens so that suddenly the picture came into focus - perfect clarity. My next task then, is what do i do with that knowledge, can i use it? If so, how?

Coming back to the film, this fellow is talking a lot about the womb, the sacred energies we hold there and manifest there. And i am thinking how easy it is for him to 'honor the Goddess' by making love to these women - who are all beautiful, and radiant, and have lovely slender bodies that don't sag or droop or show any wear and tear. As i am thinking this, a woman - client? - is shown who IS overweight, Goddess-shaped if you mean the Venus of Willendorf. She talks about having been abused, and having gained the weight afterwards, and what her weight signifies - she Gets It. Interestingly, in *her* session they both keeps their clothes on, but never mind all that.

What i notice is that as i am watching and thinking about all this, i feel my own womb contracting, feel knotted energies around it loosen up, feel the blood that has been unwilling to release itself even though its due, suddenly begin to flow. This cycle has had a lot of difficult emotional energie bound up with it for me, and i have, as part of my 'PMSing' (which i rarely get, or do) been manifesting exactly the wounded feminine archetype described earlier. No surprise that my energies are currently directed towards/flowing through someone who is very, very much a wounded male; no surprise at all.

i have been blessed, many, many times, to have participated in a workshop, or ritual, or drum circle, where i came away at the end feeling - Awakened. Enthused. Open to a new, deeper level of Understanding. i have also had this sort of experience from psychedelic journeying, and fundamentally - i see no difference. To experience it from watching a film is less common, altho i know its happened at least once before, watching a movie about Ram Dass (Fierce Grace? Don't recognize the title, but that must be it).

Over the years, i have come to trust certain little signs that tell me yes, i am on The Path. This is what i need to know, or should be doing right now. Sometimes the signs are few and far between, but sometimes they crowd in on each other. Right now is one of the busy times, tho i've known busier. The AEgypt cycle of books by John Crowley, which i've been working my way through for weeks, is one of them - and is about them, as well. Among other things. But in the past week, i've now had two strong-feeling indicators that i am inclined to listen to. The second is this film; the first was another book, 'Fishers of Men'. That one demanded i come find it, made me go wandering amongst the shelves at the library when i didn't think i wanted another book at all. The subtitle is something like, An Ayahuasca Vision Quest; it wasn't til i was nearly half-way through that i thought to check the publisher - only to find it put out by Reality Sandwich, which is related to Evolver.net, a website i sometimes hang out on that's dedicated to building, shaping, a future we'll want to live in.

In both cases, much of the message has to do with Healing, specifically with healing trauma and old wounds. Curiously, the last Tarot reading i did for myself brought up cards speaking very specifically of Recovery, which ties strongly into some of the things i am dealing with on a personal level. i hope to be able to learn from these messages and continue to grow and to heal, and to look for ways to bring thee energie of that process to bear on the world around me.