There is a sense in which things have been almost anti-climactic. Which given the types of major events that have gone on - major shifts on the job front, a good friend with cancer, different living arrangements to name the big ones - might seem the last thing you'd expect me to say. But somehow, none of this has seemed like a Big Deal. When something first shifts, it might send me teetering for a day or two; but i'm a Weeble anymore. i wobble but i don't fall down.
Every so often, i feel like life gets shaken up. We get moved around the chessboard and reconfigured. When this happens, i think of it as jumping universes; maybe its not literally what's happening but its as good a description as any. These moves often seem to happen at points on the wheel - solstices and equinoxes - or moon phases; and most particularly when both happen at the same time.
Last weekend wasn't quite that. It was a half-moon, and Pagan Pride, and coming as it did on
the secular calendar right before Labor Day, it felt like a sort of urban harvest festival. Midway between Lammas and the Equinox. Lammas was always the most difficult holiday for me to correlate to the mundane calendar; its energie seems largely transferred to Labor Day. This had a definite end-of-summer pageant Feel to it.
i spent most of several days - i miraculously had a four-day weekend - catching up on things around the house or just reading and relaxing. When not doing that, i was out mingling with my tribes - and when i speak of things Shifting, this is one of the things i mean. My first afternoon i went down to happy hour in the vortex; a place i used to call Home and haven't much been in a while. The past month though i've been finding myself there again, seeing people i've not really seen all summer.
Somewhere along the way - i can't say if it was actually that weekend, but within the past week - i had the notion that i should try to ride out the winter at my current dayjob (i've been looking for another) and then announce i'm going on sabbatical in the spring, take off and try the touring life for a few months. This is truly where my heart lies, but i always seem to have reasons Why Not, Not Just Yet. There are still obstacles without a doubt; but i am beginning to see ways around them.
i wound up at Pagan Pride three times over the weekend, which took some commitment as its not close by. Saturday night i almost didn't go but returned to see fellow cabaret performers Frenchy and the Punk (formerly the Gypsy Nomads). i've known them from around the circuit for a few years but sometimes only get to see them in May, at the Spoutwood Farm Fairie Festival so having a chance to watch their set without having to work at the same time was a treat.
More to the point, tho, they're also an inspiration. As they pointed out, they are DIY indie performers - no corporate sponsorship; this is what they DO. And that's what i want to do too. i spent a little time talking to each of them after their set about the idea and both were encouraging (yay).
On Sunday i got dressed; a bit more steampunk faerie than i might usually wear around town, and made the trip for the third time. i actually like long drives; they give me time to think about things - tho come to think of it, that's one of the things i like about statue work too. Alas my guided meditation was scheduled right across not only from a rock band, but my *friends* band, Morticia's Chair. However, just before i began, i reconnected with someone ELSE i'd not seen in a good long while; who informed me they have a place quite near me that would be open to hosting workshops - one of those things thats been on my Someday list.
Sunday evening i had a drink with a photographer friend, then went on to the band space where i was able to participate in Skype conversation with the lady who's been fighting cancer. This was particularly meaningful to me as i had dreamt about her just that morning. She's out in Sedona, taking part in the healing energies there after going through more traditional means here; and she said that today had been really good, really transformative, that she felt she could say her cancer was gone. Another shift; her illness has been an undercurrent all summer long, and is actually precipitating mending some other fences i've had to mend.
So the chess pieces shuffle. After a somehow low-key summer, in that nothing came crashing down around our ears, things seem to be re-aligning themselves for the next phase. Part of the meditation i led, or tried to, focussed on the idea of creating transformation in our lives. i'm not yet satisfied with the meditation itself; i know exactly what i want it to say and do, but something about it hasn't quite gelled, something in the imagery isn't properply fleshed out. Still, the people who took part seemed to find it inspirational; and i know a series of photographs were taken of the group in closed-eyes meditation.
After a week of cooler temperatures, we returned to hot summery weather the next few days; but fall is in the air for certain sure. i feel that we are at a juncture,
perhaps the beginning of a phase, that will last at least until the big, or Not-big as the case may be, End of the World climactic shift at the winter solstice. If i am to manifest the changes i envision now, i will have to spend the cold months preparing to journey quite literally come spring.
i Know that a portal to that other life is going to open or perhaps is opening now.. if i dont step through at this juncture, the next shakeup could put me farther from it than i am now as easily as sweep me through. Last weekend i was telling people to go out and Create their own reality, to manifest a better world, one we all want to live in. Seems the time might be right for me to take my own advice and change some things as well.
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